Haiku #1

This form of poetry captured my mind, so here is my first. Constructive criticism appreciated.

The thought of you
captured my mind
And I didn’t see the sunrise.

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15 thoughts on “Haiku #1

  1. ๐Ÿ˜Š lovely to see you dabbling in something you enjoy and trying out a new form of poetry. ๐Ÿ˜Š

    I like that this poem could have lots of different interpretations. For example, when I first read it, I wondered if the narrator “didn’t see the sunrise” because she became so overly obsessed with the other person that she was driven insane by her love and killed herself. And therefore never saw sunrise again. (sorry if that’s ridiculously dramatic and not what you intended at all. I tend to think of quite wacky interpretations sometimes. :-P)

    The second time I read it, I thought maybe he “captured her mind” so much that she ended up thinking about him all night instead of sleeping, and for that reason she didn’t even notice that the sun was rising and it was turning into the next morning already. I think I might be slightly closer to the truth with that interpretation? ๐Ÿ˜Š

    For constructive critcism, the main thing I would say is: although you have an interesting idea with the sunrise, I personally don’t think the phrase “captured my mind” is as strong as it could be. Usually I try to avoid putting sayings/figures of speech into poems, because I think poetry is about trying to put words in a unique and refreshing arrangement, if possible. So since you use the phrase “captured my mind” in every day language (you used it in the post just before the poem, too ๐Ÿ˜‰) it might be more interesting to find another way of describing the girl’s infatuation. ๐Ÿ˜Š

    But I’m really excited to see more haikus from you, Akanksha! It was lovely to read your first attempt ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Yusra. That was certainly a lot to read ๐Ÿ˜›

      I’m glad that you liked it ๐Ÿ˜€ To be honest, I hadn’t even thought of the first interpretation that you have written of. That’s the true beauty of poetry, or for that matter, any form of art, you get to see small and tiny details that you may have missed out earlier. It gives you the freedom to have your own opinions, interpretations and thoughts. And it isn’t too dramatic ๐Ÿ˜‰
      The second interpretation is certainly closer to what I thought while writing it. That she was too busy with that person’s thoughts that she didn’t sleep at all and therefore, missed the fact that it became morning.
      Thirdly, I had thought that, maybe even if it doesn’t make sense, that it was her ritual, a sort of routine that she would wake to see the sunrise. And that because of these thoughts, she failed to do it, thereby showing how obsessed she was with him/her. Makes sense? B:)

      As far as poetic arrangement is concerned, I’ll try to keep that mind as I do my next one. But I am actually very happy that you did take time out to read it. I hope my next ones appeal more to you ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks a lot ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

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